


are you lonely? (passion is crashing as we speak)

by deadpoetsam



Series: Tumblr prompts [3]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of Canon Compliant, NORA IS DEAD, Swearing, TW: Mention of death, TW: mention of blood, before the island/on the island, caring fatin, drunk leah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-26 00:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadpoetsam/pseuds/deadpoetsam
Summary: Fatin just wants to leave this party but then she sees a drunk girl being dragged upstairs, and Fatin's not an asshole.Or, what if Fatin and Leah had kissed at a party before the island?And all the chaos that follows...
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Series: Tumblr prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2212962
Comments: 23
Kudos: 114





	1. liquor on your lips

Okay, this party sucks. Drunks dancing on tables, people doing body shots. It’s a typical college party, but the crowd is just, not it. 

Fatin scans the room one last time. The college boys look mediocre at best, none of them are worth her time. The girls are all painfully straight, they wouldn't even make out with her when drunk. So, she’s ready to leave, find another party where she can actually find a decent fuck, and hopefully come home before curfew (she’s not risking her mom’s wrath this time). 

That was the plan, but then she sees a clearly drunk girl being dragged upstairs by a sleazy guy. 

Fatin may be a lot of things, but she’s not an asshole. 

“Hey, fuckface,” Fatin yells over the music, walking towards the stairs. 

The guy turns to her with an incredulous look on his face, “What the fuck do you want?”

He’s holding the girl up, but she clearly isn’t comfortable with him touching her, but she’s probably too drunk to get the words out, too hazy to register what’s happening. Protectiveness flares up in Fatin’s chest. 

“Do you know her?” Fatin shoots back, pointing at the girl. 

“Listen, I was just bringing her upstairs,” The guy says defensively.

“In that case, you won't mind if I take over,” She pushes him aside and slings her arm around the girl and helps her keep her balance. 

The boy looks shocked, “Listen-”

Fatin interrupts him, “Just fuck off.”

She starts walking, leaving behind the sleazy fuckboy. She struggles to get up the stairs with the taller girl leaning on her, but she manages. 

She barges into a random bedroom, happy to see that there’s no one there, and sets the drunk girl down on the bed.

“Stay here, okay?”

The girl just mumbles in response.

She walks out of the room and searches for the bathroom (which she finally finds after walking in on two couples) and gets some water for the girl. When she comes back, the girl is passed out on the bed. She smiles and puts the water down on the nightstand instead, and takes a good look at the girl. Brown hair lies around her like a halo, her mouth is open and her make-up is messy. It’s unfair how pretty she still looks. 

And that’s when Fatin realizes who this is. 

Leah Rilke.

They have English lit together. Fatin usually spent those lessons scrolling through Instagram or sleeping, but she still noticed people. Especially a pretty girl with piercing blue eyes, who always fucking participates in class. Leah was Mrs Wolfe’s favourite and honestly, no one was jealous of that (who the hell cares about English lit except for future writers?). Fatin knew that the girl got good grades and looking at her, she probably came from a white suburban perfect family that played board games together on the weekend as “family time”. So why the hell was she blacked out drunk on a Saturday, at a college party? 

Fatin’s mind can't come up with one good reason.

She’s still staring at Leah lying on the bed, trying to think of what to do. She can’t leave the girl here, passed out in a house full of strangers (most of which were creepy older guys). So, the next best plan is to wake her up, and hopefully get her to sober up enough that she can give some information to Fatin. Then, she can bring the girl home (and maybe make it to another party in time to get laid). 

So, Fatin leans over her and taps Leah’s cheek with her flat hand.

“Hey, Leah.”

The girl pushes her away in a sleep drunk haze and mumbles something Fatin can’t make out. 

“Leah,” She says it a bit louder this time, leaving her hand on Leah's cheek this time, rubbing her thumb over it softly. Okay, and of course her skin is so fucking soft, how fucking perfect can she be? It isn’t jealousy Fatin feels, more like wonder or longing. The fact that this girl exists, and is sitting right here in front of her is something that feels so special, yet so fragile. Fatin really doesn’t want to think about what that means. 

Luckily this train of thought is interrupted by Leah finally reacting to her. She opens her eyes and oh-

Blue, so fucking blue. 

Fatin’s way too close to her and can’t break eye contact. She’s looking right into fucking oceans, and she swears that no one can have eyed this fucking beautiful. 

She feels a hand on her cheek, and then lips on hers. Her brain short circuits and her body feels like exploding. The kiss is messy. She can taste the liquor on Leah’s lips and oh fuck. 

Fatin suddenly remembers that Leah is drunk, like really drunk.

And she isn’t some creepy frat boy, who will use Leah’s vulnerable state to her advantage. So, she uses all the mental strength she has to break the kiss and push the girl back softly. Leah looks at her in wonder, as if Fatin is an alien from another planet. 

“Leah, you’re drunk.”

She just laughs and leans in to kiss her again. 

Fatin freezes, only for a moment, before pushing Leah back again, just before their lips meet again. 

“Leah.” 

She laughs again, louder this time, falling onto the bed on her back. Fatin just looks at her for a moment, but then remembers herself and walks to grab the glass of water. This girl needs to sober up. 

Then she hears sniffles and she looks at Leah. She’s crying, curled into herself, body shaking. And that just breaks Fatin’s heart. She looks so small and vulnerable and Fatin wants to kill whoever hurt her. Now she realizes why Leah was drinking, heartbreak. It’s the only thing that could break a strong and smart girl like her. Leah had been growing quieter in class these past weeks, that may have been a sign (Fatin had paid more attention to Leah in English lit than she would like to admit, but she really couldn’t help herself). 

Fatin puts down the glass again and sits down on the bed, next to the crying girl, and softly puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

Leah just cries louder and god, Fatin really sucks at being comforting. She curses herself for not knowing what to do. She searches her brain for what the hell she could possibly do to stop Leah from having a drunk mental breakdown. Fatin doesn't really know her, and she doesn’t know Fatin either. Now, she’s crying in a strange bedroom and she’s drunk and there's no one there. So, Fatin does the one logical thing she can do. 

She grabs Leah and pulls her into her, softly wrapping her arms around the shaking girl. Leah starts crying even harder, but Fatin just holds her tight and whispers soft words of reassurance in her ear. Her heart aches and she really doesn’t know why she feels so much empathy for the girl. It’s scary. Fatin doesn’t know how long they stay like that, time seemingly forgets them for a moment. Leah eventually stops crying and falls asleep, and Fatin just stares at her, paying attention to the rise and fall of her chest. The girl had been full-on sobbing moments ago, and now she looks peaceful. It’s a jarring difference. 

Then the peace is interrupted when a boy barges into the room, “Leah!”

Fatin looks up, one eyebrow raised. Blonde hair, hipster clothes. He also goes to their school, always walking behind Leah like a lost puppy, but she can’t remember his name. Fatin carefully lets go of Leah, laying her down softly on the bed, and walks up to the boy. 

That’s when the boy seems to recognize her, and his mouth falls open, eyebrows raised. Fatin just shakes her head and waves her hand as if to tell him not to say anything, not wanting the conversation to be about her. She steps closer,

“She was being dragged upstairs by some sleazy fuckboy, I told him to leave her alone and brought her here, she’s really drunk,” She whispers to him, looking him in the eye, trying to read him. The boy genuinely looks concerned and looks over her shoulder.

He stares at Leah with sadness and empathy. Okay, so the boy actually cares, that’s hard to come by. Fatin had thought the two were dating, but all this makes her feel like it’s one-sided. It’s clear this boy isn’t the one who broke her heart, but it’s also clear that Leah isn’t over whoever she dated. And why does Fatin care again? She doesn’t even know them, yet knowing that they probably aren’t dating makes her happy. 

The blonde boy shakes his head as if he wants to shake away a feeling and it snaps Fatin out of her thoughts.

He looks back at Fatin and nods, “Thanks for taking care of her.”

“No problem…” She really searches her brain for his name but she really can't remember it. She would love to blame it on the alcohol, but she has barely drunk anything all night. 

“Ian,” he says with a small smile like he already expected her not to know it (which is realistic, yet she still wishes she could have surprised him by knowing it). 

“Okay, no problem, Ian,” She says, walking out the door, “I don’t think I did a good job at comforting her, though.”

“I don't think there could have been a better person than you to comfort her,” Ian says, as she’s halfway out the door.

“Yeah, sure,” she says, not believing a word he says, and keeps walking. 

She checks her watch and sees that it’s ten minutes before her curfew, and somehow she can’t be bothered to be mad about it. 

All she can think about is Leah. 

Then, shit goes downhill in her life. 

She’s sent to a fucking feminist retreat by her fucking cheat of a father, but she’d be lying if she said her heart didn’t flutter when she saw Leah board the plane. 

Then the fucking plane nosedives into the ocean and all goes to hell, but she’s with Leah. She doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse. Judging by their fights you would say worse, but judging by their hugs you would say better. 

Leah doesn’t seem to remember that night, which is not surprising looking at how drunk she was, and Ian doesn’t know the full story if he even filled her in on what happened. So, Fatin pretends it didn’t happen. It’s easier that way. But Ian’s words keep repeating in her head like a broken record. 

_ I don't think there could have been a better person than you to comfort her.  _

What the fuck did he mean? 


	2. it's you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood and mention of character death

The sun has barely risen above the horizon and Fatin is sitting on the cliff near the camp. The others haven’t woken up, and all she can hear are the sounds of nature surrounding her. She stares out at the sea, which she despises from the depths of her soul. However, the waves are calm today. Maybe it’s some wicked sense of irony, that they have been calm ever since it all went to hell. 

On day twenty-two Leah ran into the ocean. The day would forever be etched in Fatin’s mind. The way she felt was even worse than when she found out her dad was a cheating scumbag. Leah’s raw pain. Leah willingly being taken by the waves. Fatin too powerless to stop it, not fucking strong enough to part the sea and save Leah from herself. Fucking Rachel having to save her, bringing her back to shore. Fatin holding Leah on the beach, hoping that her touch could keep away the darkness of Leah’s mind. The way her voice broke when she said, "I want my mom.” It all scared Fatin shitless, the pain still in her chest when she thinks back. 

Fatin had held her until after the sun went under. By then, Leah’s sobs had stopped and her chest was rising and falling peacefully. She couldn’t let go. Not until Dorothy literally told her to go to fucking sleep. Even then, Fatin still refused to let Leah out of her sight, laying down right next to the drugged-out girl, watching her until sleep took over. Dorothy didn’t say anything, just gave her a small smile and went to bed herself. 

Fatin doesn’t want to think about what would have happened if Rachel hadn’t saved her, it hurt too much. She cares so much about Leah, and it’s fucking nerve-wracking. The blue-eyed girl had snuck her way into Fatin’s heart, ever since that fucking college party (which she doesn’t even seem to remember).

And then the shark happened. 

Leah staggering from the woods, covered in blood and dirt, screaming Nora’s name had made an icy shiver come over her. She didn’t know what was going on, but she knew it was bad. Really bad. The fear in Nora’s eyes was in stark contrast with the angry fire in Leah’s eyes. That moment, Fatin figured out that Nora was the one who knew more. She was ready to run to Leah, hug her, tend to her wounds, but then Martha yelled “Shark!” and all went to hell. Only after they buried Nora and Rachel was passed out because of her pill bender and exhaustion, Fatin could finally care for Leah. She was the only person who Leah would talk to, and that made her feel warm. She cleaned her wounds, and Leah told her all about Nora and what she had found. Fatin listened and reassured her she wasn’t crazy, but should probably wait with telling the group since Nora just died. Leah agreed. They spent the rest of the night talking about other things and fell asleep in each other's arms. And for the first fucking time on this godforsaken island, she felt _safe_. 

The words Ian had said still float around in her mind, but she still can’t figure out what he meant. Leah does seem to really care about her, and as it seems, Fatin’s the only one who can reach her when she’s going dark. The implications of that make her feel hopeful, but also scared. Love is something Fatin truly knows nothing about (she doesn’t count the grocery bagger, that wasn’t really love). 

Maybe, by some fucking miracle, Fatin is in fact capable of love. And maybe it’s what she feels right now, but how could she ever tell Leah? She had been heartbroken by Jeff fucking Galanis, and she has barely recovered from that. What would happen if Leah liked her back? What if Fatin broke her heart? Those questions make her stomach sink. She can’t risk hurting Leah, the girl is broken enough. She can be there for her, but she can’t show her feelings. That could only set them up for disaster. 

“Hey.”

Her train of thought is interrupted, and Fatin jumps slightly, turning her head quickly, just to look at Dorothy’s familiar face, who smiles.

“Jesus! You scared me fuckface.”

Dot sits down, unbothered by Fatin’s colourful language, “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” It isn’t a lie, but isn’t the truth either. She doesn’t feel like getting love advice from Dorothy of all people, “What about you?”

“Well aside from Rachel refusing to talk to anyone, not much,” She says. 

Not surprising. It has been five days since the shark “incident” and Rachel hadn’t talked to anyone since. Just complete silence. It was unnerving, the way she just stared at everyone (and the place where her hand used to be) but never spoke. Fatin stayed out of her way, knowing that she was probably the person Rachel liked the least. 

However, it doesn’t go past her that Dot doesn’t answer the question personally. 

“Yeah, but what about you, Dorothy?” Fatin asks, looking at her. Dot is her friend, probably her best friend if she’s being honest. The only person she’s closer with on the island is Leah, but with her the lines between platonic and romantic blur (For Fatin at least). With Dot, who really is straight (which is pretty disappointing, her gaydar isn’t wrong often) it’s all platonic, despite the flirting. Dorothy is the anchor keeping them all from going insane, and Fatin admires her for it. But she also knows the girl is prone to taking too much on her plate. 

“I’m fine.”

Fatin knows it’s a lie because Dot looks to the side when she says it. Luckily, Fatin is extremely good at getting the truth out of people. She doesn’t care if it’s ugly, she won’t see worse than what her dad has done. 

“I know you’re lying.”

Dot looks at her with a curious expression, but there is a fondness to it that makes Fatin feel warm. 

“I mean, none of us are fine,” She looks away again, staring at everyone on the beach, “but you don’t have to worry about me,” She says it with a finality that makes Fatin refrain from asking questions (something that doesn’t happen often). She still vows to herself to check on Dorothy again when they sit by the fire tonight. 

She stares back out to the beach, not saying anything back, just sitting in comfortable silence with Dorothy. Her eyes fall on Leah, who still is asleep close to the fire. She looks adorable, curled up on her side like a cat, her hair messy around her. Fatin can’t see any details from the distance, but she can fill them in by memory. The rise and fall of her chest, the peaceful look on her face, the drool on her face that she will wipe away all embarrassed when she wakes up. 

Dot snaps her out of her admiring of Leah. 

“Ya know, she’s on water duty today.”

Fatin looks at her. Dot sees the confusion on her face and laughs, “You aren’t as subtle as you might think you are, you’re ogling her from afar.”

Her eyebrows shoot up in pure surprise at the insinuation, “Dorothy!”

“What? It’s true,” Dot says matter-of-factly, “But, she’s on water duty today, as I said, and she hasn’t been doing great since the whole shark thing, so maybe you could go with her? It’s your day off, and you’re the only person who can reach her.”

It’s true. Since the incident, Leah hasn’t been doing great, like, at all. She’s been quiet, often ignoring everyone (even Fatin). The first day after running into the ocean she was on “suicide watch” but after the shark they let go of that, needing all focus on a (still) non-verbal Rachel. Fatin was assigned to stay close to Leah (just for safety, it was basically what Fatin demanded), but she felt more and more like Leah didn’t want her to. Maybe Dot is right, it can’t get worse, can it? Going with her isn’t a bad idea, they could actually talk about stuff, with the freedom of being away from camp. 

Dorothy’s words also make her think back to a party that feels ages ago. 

_I don't think there could have been a better person than you to comfort her._

She doesn’t fucking know what he meant, but she does know that it is true. At least, it is now.

She realizes Dot still is waiting for an answer, “Yeah, I’ll just invite myself along.”

* * *

They’ve been walking for a while, Fatin guesses it might be ten minutes. And for that time, it has been way too fucking quiet. She has tried to start a conversation in every way possible. Making a joke, fake flirting, and even asking Leah what her current ideas on the island are. It all eventually ended in silence. It’s not that Leah doesn’t respond, it’s just that she doesn’t give an answer that is longer than a sentence. Fatin is used to carrying the conversations, she’s the more talkative one, but Leah has never been so quiet, even when she was going dark. It’s unnerving. 

“Okay, so, what do you think about Toni and Shelby?” Fatin says, in another attempt at starting a conversation, and hopes it won’t end in awkward silence again. 

Leah turns her head to her, seemingly being snapped out of thoughts, with clear confusion etched in her face, “What would I think about them?”

“Just, ya know...” She had hoped Leah, being as observant as she is, had noticed the clear tension between Shelby and Toni. Now, she can’t actually say it, she had promised Shelby her silence, “Never mind.”

Leah just hums and it’s quiet again. Normally she would be interested, asking Fatin what she meant, maybe even getting a little irritated if she wouldn’t say. It hurt, in a way Fatin had never been hurt. The unease filled her senses, what had she missed? It didn’t seem like Leah was going dark, it was something else, but she couldn’t figure out what. 

They finally arrive at the waterfall, after the walk that feels like it took hours. Leah grabs the cans out of the swag bag and goes to fill them. Fatin has been alone with her thoughts for way too long, and she needs to fucking know what is going on with Leah. 

She finally snaps, “Okay, what the fuck is it?”

Leah looks up at her with big blue eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights, “What?”

Leah tries to act like she has no idea what she is talking about, but Fatin sees right through it,

“Don't act like you don’t know, Leah,” Maybe anger isn’t the way to go, but this feeling has been itching under the surface for far too long. 

Leah’s eyes got even wider, but then she drops the act and looks down. 

For a moment Fatin thinks she’ll say something, but Leah doesn’t. She just grabs the filled cans, puts them in the bag and gets up. 

“You coming?” 

The question comes out strained, Leah doesn’t make eye-contact with her, just looks at the ground and walks to where they came from. 

“Jesus, Leah, can you fucking answer me,” Fatin says loudly, the anger hasn’t faded, if anything, it’s stronger now. Leah stops walking but still doesn't look at her. Fatin can only see the side of her face, but her strained expression is clear to read. Her eyebrows are knitted like she’s trying to figure out what to say, her shoulders are tense and she’s gnawing on her lip. 

The silence seems to last forever, just Fatin staring at her and Leah staring at the ground. It feels like they are the only ones who have ever walked the earth, like they are the only ones in existence. It resembles falling, that’s the way her body feels. Falling with no way of knowing whether someone will catch you. 

Finally, Leah speaks, “I can't be around you.”

Fatin’s breath hitches. she doesn’t know what she expected, but this definitely isn’t it. Those words make her feel like she landed flat on her face, no more falling, just the pit in her stomach swallowing her whole. 

She tries to gather her thoughts but they are jumbled, messy. She can’t figure out what to say, what Leah means, what the hell Ian meant that night, “Leah, what the fuck do you mean?”

Leah stays quiet, still not looking at her and it hurts Fatin’s fucking heart. Suddenly, a possibility comes to mind, “Wait, is this about the fucking island? Because Leah, you could have fucking told me-”

Leah interrupts her, “Fatin, no. That isn’t-” She takes a deep breath, and finally looks at her, “I haven’t really thought about that for days.”

“Then what is it?” Fatin's anger has turned into despair. She needs to know what the hell this is about. She sees that Leah's eyes are watery and now she’s fucking scared, but it’s too late to turn back. 

“It’s you.”

Maybe the truth can be ugly because those words break her heart into tiny little pieces, her eyes fill with tears despite her protest. She still doesn’t know what it means but she knows it isn’t good. Did she hurt Leah? Her father’s words fill her head. Her mother’s sadness. Does she just break everything she touches? Is she a danger to people? Her chest feels tight and Leah is looking at the ground again. 

She would love to run away, to avoid Leah for as long as she can, but she needs answers first.

“What do you mean?” It comes out so fucking broken and she hates herself for it. How the hell did she ever let this happen? How did Leah get so much power over her? She knows how, but she doesn’t want to think about that.

Right now, her heart is getting crushed and torn, and Leah didn’t even know she was holding it. 

Fatin notices the big distance between them for the first time because Leah steps forwards and looks her in the eyes. They are now only two feet apart, and Fatin freezes, not knowing what the hell is coming. 

“Fatin,” She says, her voice cracking, as it often does, but this time it sounds so broken, “My fucking head is filled with you, you and your perfect fucking everything, and when I’m around you I just, I can’t get you out.”

Fatin mouth falls open and she just stares at Leah who wipes away a tear with her sleeve and continues, “It’s been like this for a while, even before we got to the island I had a crush on you,” She lets out a broken laugh, “But it’s just hard to hide it and it’s only gotten stronger.”

Fatin still hasn’t said anything. Her mind is torn. She wants to kiss Leah so fucking bad, to close the gap between them, but Leah and her won't work together. She would only hurt Leah and break her heart. Look at the pain she’s already caused. Fatin is just like her father, and Leah deserves so much better than that. 

So, she stays silent, just staring at Leah while her heart aches and tears roll over her cheeks. 

“I just need some space to get you out of my head, I’m sorry.”

With that, Leah walks away, leaving Fatin just standing there, wondering what she could have said or done to fix this. Wondering if she made a mistake or did the right thing. Wondering if this will ruin them. 

Ian’s words now finally have meaning, but god,

_it hurts more than expected_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!! The last chapter will be up in a few days :)


End file.
